Change your words, Change your outcomes
“I’m not good at math.” My daughter would tell me as we sat at the kitchen table when she was still in school. After dinner was done, dishes were complete, her younger siblings had been put to bed and I asked if all her homework was done. Inevitably, the answer was that her math homework was not done. She struggled with math. Truth be told, I had struggled with math in school and frequently had said that I was just not good at math. We would sit at that table, frustrated, overwhelmed, and unsure how to proceed. My patience running low as I didn’t know another way to explain the concept she couldn’t quite put into practice. Her sometimes in tears. Parent fail!
When I went back to school, I had to subject myself to math courses. I’m still unsure how necessary those were considering Social Work was my major! My first math class upon my return, I openly admitted to the class and my professor that I was not good at math. We took our first test - I got a 100%.My professor announced as he handed me the graded exam that I had clearly been fibbing. Later I had to take a statistics class. I ended the class with one of the higher grades for my class. This did not happen because it came naturally, I can assure you of that. I must give credit to my ex-son-in-law who spent countless hours at night on facetime walking me through problem after problem and concept after concept. He would give me these ‘AH-HA’ moments that I’d take into class the next day and share with my classmates. He was an excellent teacher. I was good at math - if I spent time practicing and found resources (Thanks again, Kyle!) to support me in my learning.
There are some things that come very naturally to us, but we only get better at them by flexing those muscles and practicing them. From the greatest athletes to the best surgeons, speakers, teachers, writers….the list goes on and on, all of them may or may not have had a natural proclivity in an area but either way, they all had to practice (and fail) in order to become good, even great at what they do.
What are some things that you say you aren’t good at? Has that belief caused you to stop pursuing a dream of yours? Is that belief you keep repeating true? Why is it true? Can you improve? Why not try?
While we won’t all pursue every dream we ever have and some things we just will not make a priority to get better at - the real story is that we feed ourselves stories filled with untruth, believe them, and then do not make getting better at that thing a priority. I once bought an acoustic guitar because I thought it would be cool to learn to play. It would have been cool to learn to play. I bought the guitar, searched some online tutorials, and about 3 weeks later the guitar sat in its case in a corner collecting dust…it sat there until my son became a teenager and decided to learn to play guitar, did learn, and then asked if he could have that acoustic guitar. I hesitated to say yes, but I realized if I had really been committed to learning guitar, I’d have made it a priority. I clearly was not committed to putting in the time to learn and gain the skillset necessary to play guitar. I think that beautiful acoustic guitar may have ended up in pieces during a show he did at some venue or another…but it did not collect dust while in his possession.
With the year winding down, I know people will begin with their new year resolutions - I’ve given up on those through the years and simply decide to start where I am, when I’m ready. For those who follow either practice - what is something you are telling yourself that you aren’t good at? Is it true? Are you going to take time in the near future in the pursuit of getting good at it? If so, when are you starting? Why not start now? And, instead of saying “I’m not good at (fill in the blank)”, or “I’m not a (fill in the blank -writer, runner)”, I challenge you to flip the script, to change the narrative and start pursing what you dream of being better at even if right now you are not.
I remember when my kids each took up playing an instrument - if you’ve experienced this you probably already know what I’m about to say… Each picked their instrument and joined band. First year they learned basics, there were lots of missed notes, squeaks, frustrations, and concerts that were, at best, a lesson in being supportive and remembering your ear plugs.When they became frustrated at their mistakes and struggles, you encourage them and remind them that with more practice they will get it. Each year, you’d hear them practicing, you’d attend concerts and sit in awe at the progress your child and all the others made from the previous year. By the time senior year comes, you sit one day at their final high school concert, wondering where all the time went, thinking back over the years and the progress and a sadness and joy will hit you as you realize this might be the last time you watch them play that instrument. They became so good at playing that instrument. They didn’t start out being good. They had to put the time, effort, and energy in to become better, and with continued prioritization, practice, consistent effort, they become so good that you are in awe!
We are all capable of being good at things - we just have to be as resilient and dedicated as those who continue in spite of struggle. Focus + consistent practice = excellence. Change your words, change your outcomes!
I’d love to hear what story you’ve told yourself and if you are going to pursue it. Tell me how you are holding yourself accountable! I’d love updates as you do! Let’s start speaking kindly to ourselves, giving ourselves the grace we’d give to others, and challenging ourselves to learn a new skill, take on a new challenge, create a dream, chase a dream or just learn something new.
