Congratulations, You’re the Boss…Now What?

Remember your first day as a manager?

The excitement of the promotion often comes with the unspoken “Now what?” For many new managers, the transition from contributor to leader is one of the most challenging shifts they will ever make.

As I watch new managers jump into the management world, I often see them come in excited, full of energy, ready to take on all the challenges without a real idea of what those challenges will be or how they will weigh on them, keeping them up at night while they find their footing. They aren’t prepared for those failures that come, for the pushback from people on their team who they often have worked side by side with for a year or more. They come in thinking they are going to make everything that they have seen go wrong better. They have no idea how little can get accomplished in a day but how much can be accomplished in a month. Nor are they able to fathom how much can come their way in a day.

Suddenly that excitement and anticipation turn to frustration, overwhelm, burnout, and crash outs. That’s the reason I put the program together. I saw the struggle, I saw the gap between new managers and seasoned, solid managers, and knew there were skills that needed to be taught, discussed, considered, and worked on. I realized too that support so often is missing for new managers. They were good at their job, someone gave them a chance, but when it comes down to it there is something missing.

We talk about the skillsets, management styles, effective 1 on 1’s, difficult conversations, showing up with empathy and accountability, understanding other people and how they receive feedback, commutation methods and styles that make a great leader. Too often new managers are thrown in the mix, expected to develop teams, meet metrics, push foward but are not supported where it matters.

When I wrote with the program, I did it while looking back at my own career and thinking back on my management journey over the years. The different companies and cultures, the different senior leadership I had over me, the ways I wish I had been supported, the things I didn’t know, and the failures that began shifting my perspectives and changing the way I approached people and situations.

I believe vulnerability is a super-power. It’s not because we love failing. Let’s be honest, failing feels like a bruise or a kick to the gut but when viewed from the perspective of growth and learning, failing is a chance to fall forward. FAILING BECOMES FALLING FORWARD. It becomes the stepping stone to greater understanding, to growth, to a new awareness that allows us to show up better and do better.

I frequently share a story from my first management job with those I have in my professional development sessions. I was about twenty years old. I was eager, I wanted to prove myself. I was also full of ego about it. I felt like promoted to manager meant I had arrived. At what, you might ask? Some higher level of being seen and appreciated and being GOOD at something.

Let me set the scene, I was hired as an employee for an oil company that had many gas stations around Northern Illinois. I was sent to Headquarters for interviews. The president of the company met with me. He told me how impressed he was with me and my work. He offered me my own store. He laid out a path for movement at his company that sounded like the beginning of what would be a long career with upward movement.

I walked into the store I was assigned with high hopes; I came in with a smile on my face, eagerness, and a desire to succeed. I was not prepared for what I would face.

My store was a bit of a problem store. A husband and wife were the two main employees along with their son, another older gentleman and a couple of other individuals who worked random shifts. I came in, introduced myself, tried to get to know everyone. I had one employee, Fred, the older gentleman mentioned above who greeted me with enthusiasm. He was a kind, retired gentleman whose wife had died several years before. He lived alone, his daughter lived an hour away. He was an easy person to like and work with. He didn’t ask for much, a few shifts a week to supplement his social security, and he was happy. He’d even pick up an extra shift here and there if someone needed the day off.

Then there were the husband, wife, and son. They worked the majority of the hours we were open. They had a way of doing things. They had been more in charge, according to headquarters, than the old manager. This was part of the problem with the store I had been given according to the President of the company. Those three ran the show and new programs or initiatives or ways of doing things were ignored. I thought I was up to the challenge.

I was not.

We began butting heads almost immediately. That first day the wife told me, in front of everyone, that the president of the company hiring a 20 something year old girl to manage a store was crazy. She rapid fired the reasons she thought it was crazy as well as all her feelings of it being disrespectful that she, her husband, and her son, who had basically been keeping the store afloat would have to answer to a brand new manager who clearly was too young, too inexperienced, and clearly didn’t have the know-how to be a manager.

That should have been my first clue that I needed more support than I had.

Over the coming months, She and her husband would ignore things I put in place, rewrite the schedule, not do things that were on the checklists I made for opening/mid-day/and evening shifts. They would eat behind the counter and ignore customers who walked in if they were talking to their “regulars.”

While the numbers were good at my store, the headaches they gave me were equally impressive. They often wouldn’t even say hi to me when I walked into the store. My skin wasn’t thick enough and I had no idea how to counter the way they showed up.

It all came to a head when Fred asked for a few weeks off to go visit his daughter and granddaughter. We had lost one of the kids who worked for us because of school schedules, and another had graduated and moved right after I took over the store. I was short staffed to begin with but wanted to accommodate Fred’s time off. I tried to talk to the husband-and-wife duo about the shifts and asked if they could shift their hours to help fill the gap that Fred’s absence would create. They said no. They worked X hours and only those hours. I then asked their son, who initially agreed, but then came back and said he couldn’t do it. I had already made the schedule and added a shift to both the husband and wife as well because there just wasn’t coverage and when I spoke to my manager I was told that I should put them on the schedule to fill the gaps and it was not feasible for me to work the additional shifts.

As you can imagine, this went over like a lead balloon.

They came to me, letting me know that they were not going to work those shifts and that they would walk out and have their son walk out as well unless I did things the way they wanted.

So as any new manager I saw two paths. One was that I conceeded and worked all the shifts myself and reinforced that they were in charge OR I could dig in, call their bluff, and let the chips fall where they might.

What do you think I did?

I dug in my heels and told them that I would not change the schedule and that if they wanted to walk out they could.

I really did not think they would. I remember being so frustrated with the months of their behaviors and bullying and complaining that I can say I also did not really care because I’d figure it out.

Needless to say, they walked and took their son with them. I now had my opener, my midday and my main night person gone. That was Monday through Friday staffing. My other staff members were part time. I called Fred and let him know what had happened, he gave some kind words “Kid, those three are something. I can pick up some shifts when I get back and help you out. We will figure it out.” Fred went on his vacation, came home and within two days was admitted to the hospital, needed surgery and later developed sepsis and passed away.

I spent the next three months, trying to hire and train new staff while working almost every single shift. My husband was frustrated with me, my daughter missed me and I was exhausted but determined. While I got staff hired and trained and survived, the entire situation was painful and caused a lot of problems at home. I couldn’t effectively manage all my roles while juggling manager duties and working sometimes as many as 18 hours in a row.

I left the job a year into my store manager role. I was exhausted. At the time, I didn’t think I’d ever step back into a management role.

I use myself as an example during my professional development sessions. I lacked so many of the skillsets that I know are necessary to begin successfully managing a team. I also lacked support and resources but didn’t realize that at the time either. In order to step back into a management role. I needed to set ego aside and work on myself. I needed to build skillsets in communication, determine what type of leader I wanted to be, learn that each situation has to be evaluated and we don’t always have to push so hard, to name just a few.

If I were able to go back and speak to the young girl who took on a management role for the first time with little to no skillset for doing so, what would I say to her?

I’d tell her to move more gently. To set aside her ego and listen first. To understand that people just want to be seen and heard and understood, that sometimes in the listening we get to solutions. I’d tell her she doesn’t have to carry everything alone. I’d tell her that a hammer can build or destroy and some situations don’t call for the use of a hammer. I’d sign her up for my professional development course.

That situation happened more than 30 years ago. I still think back on it often. I think about how much I have learned and how many mentors I’ve had since then. I watch as new managers struggle with many of the same things and I try to provide support and advice within my organization and to others because that first management role is no joke and no matter how much you think you have learned or know there will be a learning curve. After 30 years in management roles, I can say I have not stopped learning. I try to surround myself with those who are steps ahead of me and I try to always reach out and connect with someone who is stepping into their role for the first time to offer support.

Are you a seasoned manager? What would you go back and tell yourself during your first management role? What is a lesson that changed your management style? I’d love to hear from you!

If you are a new manager, what skills are you hoping to develop? What type of leader do you aspire to be?

Leadership isn’t something more people instinctively know how to do. It is a skill that can be learned, developed, and strengthened with the right guidance and support.

If you are a new manager who wants to develop the skills to effective leadership OR if you are a senior leader and have new managers that you’d like to provide professional development coaching to, please reach out. I’d love to connect.