When Opportunity Knocks but Fear Closes the Door

Opportunity can show up looking exciting or terrifying. Usually, fear shows up at the same time. Fear has a way of making us think we are not ready, are not capable, and are not qualified. I sometimes look back and think “I wish I had (fill in the blank).” Every single one of those thoughts comes with a realization that I frequently shrunk myself, limited myself, or did not invest in myself because of fear. Fear is the number one killer of opportunity.

This life is the only one we are given. We don’t know how long we will be here. Some lives are taken far too early. Some lives are long lasting but for a species that doesn’t have a true timeline we spend a lot of time making excuses for why we can’t jump at opportunities that present themselves.

In my roles in business management, human resources, and social work I have watched people talk themselves out of opportunities more times than I can count. Fear holding them captive to something that is familiar, mostly comfortable, and secure (let’s be honest - job security is a bit of a joke). I have seen people shrink themselves and leave opportunity in the dust.

In life, I often have watched others stay on a course of comfort and familiarity rather than jump toward an opportunity.

Fear kills dreams, chances, and opportunities like no other.

So, what would you do if your fear didn’t get in the way? Years ago, I sat in a seminar with a gentleman, his name completely forgotten but his message has lingered. He asked about our passion. People were asked to speak on their passion and what they would be doing if money was not an object. He went around the room asking people to share their passion, dozens of hands went up. The first person spoke and said that their passion, if money were not an issue, would be to help the homeless. They would build tiny homes on wheels like the ones being built in California at the time to house them and keep them safe and off the streets. Then this speaker asked a follow up question “What are you currently doing in pursuit of this passion?” The person in the audience said “Nothing, I don’t have the funds to make that kind of move.” The speaker responded, “Tell me how you are currently involved with or helping the homeless community in your area.” The audience member who had spoken with passion initially spoke again, with less passion, quieter than their initial bold statement about their passion. “I mean, I’m not right now. I don’t have time. I have a family and a job. I can’t do anything right now.” The speaker responded with “Then I would suggest helping the homeless is not your passion and you need to be far more honest with yourself. If it were your passion, you would be doing something to support the homeless already. Even if it were something small, like donating to a local homeless shelter, volunteering at a shelter, or spending one day a month at the shelter preparing a meal for the homeless. Money is not an excuse to stay uninvolved, and time is an excuse too, we all find time to do what we think is important.” He moved on and asked for someone else to share their passion. Only about a 6 hands went up in the air this time. The next person spoke and stated their passion; I don’t even remember what it was as I was still replaying the first exchange. The same line of questioning and challenging came. This time the person sharing stated that they were involved and the speaker asked why they hadn’t gone all in to support this passion. Their answer came “I’m afraid to start raising funds and making a big deal of it then failing.” The speaker let that statement settle on the attendees in the room, ten seconds, twenty seconds, thirty seconds passed before the speaker said “Trying and failing is far more noble than wanting something and not even trying.” The room sat quietly. Three hands went up the next time he asked for someone to share. I was completely tuned out. I was replaying his words in my head.

Fear stops us in our tracks far more often than we’d like to think it does. We too frequently create a litany of excuses for why it’s not fear but something else that is in the way of us taking hold of opportunities or taking chances that would move us in the direction we would ultimately like to be in.

Those excuses we make to allow our fear to override the desire to jump at opportunity, take a chance, or make a change are limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs show up in our relationships, at work, and in just about every aspect of our lives. These are the stories we tell ourselves and give weight to that are actually not rooted in truth.

So, what is to be done to change this?

As with all change, it is easier in theory than done. That’s okay. So were dozens upon dozens of things you’ve learned or done over the years. Changing limiting beliefs, not allowing yourself to be held back by fear, and taking risks and grabbing opportunity to keep fear from closing the door on opportunity is like building muscle. It does not happen overnight; there will be days that are a huge struggle, there will be moments you feel defeated or that you can’t change this, there will be times you feel like giving up…DO NOT! You will gain muscle memory, and each success will build towards the next one. You can do this - you just need to practice.

When opportunity knocks pay attention to what you start telling yourself or the fears you have that come to mind. Often our fears form as questions - What if I fail? What if I am bad at it? What if everything goes wrong and then I’m in a worse place than I am right now? How will I manage this and that?

Ask The Right Questions:

Instead of allowing those limiting beliefs and fears to paralyze you into staying in one spot ask yourself What do I really want out of this opportunity? If I stumble and make mistakes or fail what will I have learned and how will I pivot from that point? What things do I need to do or put in place to ensure that I have the best chance for success? Am I staying in a comfort zone out of fear? Does this opportunity bring me closer to what I want my life to look like in 5 or 10 years?

Start Small:

Step outside your comfort zone. If this is a real struggle for you, start small. Always order the same thing on the menu at places because you are afraid of trying something new? Make it your policy to try a new menu item once a month. Want to try learning a new language? Add it in to your morning or evening routine to stack a habit. Want to start exercising but haven’t in a long time so you stay away from the gym? Find a buddy to go with to help diminish your fear and have an accountability partner so you don’t find excuses to not go.

Find a Mentor, Coach or Therapist:

Our limiting beliefs can really slow us down both professionally and personally. If you see this and aren’t sure what to do or need someone to bounce feelings, thoughts, fears off of or have someone to give you tools consider finding a mentor, coach, or therapist to help you work through fears and limiting beliefs and into new opportunities with open arms.

Fall Forward:

You will find that there will be times you still close the door on opportunities. Sometimes that may be those limiting beliefs and fears and other times there might be very valid reasons (this opportunity doesn’t support your goals). In all cases, when we fall in our journey - pick yourself up and recognize that you have fallen forward. Each fall provides us with insight, learning, and an opportunity to grow.

From personal relationships and personal choices to professional growth our fears often create a resistance to making the choice to embrace the opportunity we see in front of us. It’s okay to feel fear; it is 100% normal to have fear. It is okay to take time to consider and weigh your options. Shrinking yourself, limiting yourself and slamming the door on opportunities keeps us in a space that doesn’t promote growth.

Growth and opportunity rarely presents itself at the perfect time.

Take the chance, make the move, learn the new thing. Go in with eyes wide open. Expect that things will not go exactly according to plan; be prepared to pivot. Remember that even if it all misses the mark, you have fallen forward because you will walk away with lessons learned and growth.