Changes

Life is funny, and hard, and painful, and exciting, and brilliant. Life creates change. Life is change. We are faced with change whether we are prepared or not. We have to face change even when we want no part of it.

I’m going through changes…

This past week has brought change that felt, for a moment, as if I hadn’t heard the words right. Change that made me silent. For anyone who knows me, that is ABNORMAL and usually when I go silent my friends and family begin worrying deeply about me. I’m a talker, so when I’m not talking something has shaken me. This change I had not expected.

Yet, just a few months ago I remember thinking to myself that I was getting too comfortable, that things could change in a moment and that I needed to stay sharp. Despite that thought this felt like the wind had been knocked out of me and I couldn’t quite catch my breath. Tears did not come, instead I went mostly silent. I went to dinner that night and smiled. All the while trying to process. I tried to keep up with the conversation, but I kept hearing the news in my head, as it had been delivered, which meant keeping up with the conversation the entire night was difficult. I definitely missed some things. The next day, we would go over things again, with the entire company. Our company is being sold, and our new owners are people we do not know.

By the next morning, I knew I needed to have myself together enough to be available to others. Once the announcement was made the staff began reaching out - mostly via text message - instead of the usual teams messages. I began responding. I began checking on people. I took a drive to one of the other locations to check on staff with our owner. The questions came in rapid succession.

‘Will our name still be the same?’

‘Will I still have a job?’

‘What does this mean for my vacation?’

‘Is my pay going to change?’

‘I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do.’

‘Why would they sell the company?’

‘I think I’m going to throw up. I don’t think I want to go through this again. What do you think?”

As I checked on people, I saw every reaction I could have imaged and a few more. It was a long hard day, and I felt completely drained by the time I pulled into my driveway. I sat in the yard, a blanket on my lap, a fire in the firepit, and just sat staring into the flames, replaying conversation after conversation from the day. I wondered if I had said the right things. If I had supported my co-workers the way they needed. As I sat there I realized I had not really found time to touch base with the individuals on my team. How were they doing? I shot out text messages - way after work hours. I just needed to know they were okay.

I’ve spent the last week thinking about change, about all the things that have happened in the last 11 years, about these people I consider friends, and even those who aren’t friends that I still care deeply about and want the best for. I’ve considered what may happen, I’ve considered the speeches given, the promises made, the reassurances given. I’ve looked at the faces of the individuals I am with daily, the shock, the concern, the disappointment, the sadness, the fear, the uncertainty, and for some the plastered-on smiles as they heard words they had also not been prepared to hear. It’s hard to hear much of what is shared once the initial message was delivered. The big shocker.

As I’ve processed this and gone through my morning and evening routings over this past week - I have been thinking of all of these people, and all I could feel was gratefulness. I love some of these people so fiercely. I’ve gained friends and met amazing people. I’ve learned the stories of people, the legacy of a business and a family, I’ve come to have deep respect for so many individuals and the way they live their lives as well as the things they have faced and overcome. I’ve been given grace when I probably didn’t deserve it. I’ve been given opportunities to grow, encouragement as I decided to go back to school to finish my degree. I’ve been proud to work for this amazing family. I’ve known what it is to be genuinely cared about. Looking back at my time with this company and it’s owners I realized that from the first day I stepped in the door, the connection began and it has grown. I am grateful for amazing owners and bosses who know their employees by name, their spouses names, and their children’s names.

The future is never known nor guaranteed.

As I step into this journey with friends, coworkers, and new people, I am hopeful. As we step into this next chapter what I do know is that more change will come; some I will like, some I will not. I also know that while working for this amazing company I have been given an opportunity to grow that has allowed me to be more fully aware of the tools, the talents, and the worth that I bring every single day. When I walk into rooms I wonder if I will like the people I am about to meet. I am less concerned if they like me. I do not belong at every table. I am not everyone’s cup of tea. The same will be true for my co-workers. We each have been given tools, and opportunities for growth. We all have skill sets and knowledge that will be valued as we continue this journey.

I know who I am. I am genuinely and authentically able to be me and because of that I will show up as my best self-most of the time. Let’s be real - we are all human and we all fall short sometimes.

This change will present obstacles and opportunities. Where will I focus? The truth is on every single opportunity while being extremely aware of the obstacles as I navigate through, around, over, and under them! Focusing on what is in our control is vital.

Change is always coming. We can’t outrun it. We can’t avoid it. It is coming and it will either overwhelm us, knocking us down or it will be something we rise up to meet. My challenge to all of you is to embrace change with eyes wide open. Change moves us out of our comfort zone which creates growth! I also know that you and I have survived every single challenge we have faced so far in life; sometimes our navigation is less than graceful and that’s okay because here we are on the other side of all those moments as scary or exhilarating as they were and we will face these new challenges and make our way through as well.