Fifty-one
Today marks 51 years that I’ve been hanging out on this rock in the middle of space.
Age has never been much of a milestone for me - except 16, 18, and 21 - being able to drive, vote, and drink legally - those felt like a really big deal. Everything else…not as much of a milestone or big deal for me. I know some people celebrate their entire birthday month - I have a friend who does - it makes me smile - but, it’s not my thing. For me each year marks another chance to keep getting better, a chance to look back and then look forward with gratefulness for where I am today and how far I’ve come.
It’s been 1 year since I hit the publish button for my book “When Will She Be Better.” That felt pretty significant but not a milestone. Since then I’ve received a lot of feedback about the book and how it’s impacted those who read it (if you’re one of those people - THANK YOU!).
As I get older, I’ve come to realize that I actually know less than I thought I did two or more decades ago. I still hold opinions, but the number of absolutes in my life seems to shrink with each passing year. At 18, I was certain about so many things. The world appeared black and white, with only a few shades of gray in between. Right was right, wrong was wrong, and everything felt simple—before I had truly experienced the complexities of adult life.
Nothing is as simple, as cut and dry, or as black and white as we’d like to believe.
The world is full of different understandings, views, perspectives, and experiences that shape us into who we are. I believe that very few people are pure evil - but instead a mixture of understandings, views, perspectives, and experiences that have shaped how they show up today. Some people are not in a space where they can view themselves in the mirror and be honest with themselves. Too frequently we lean into belief systems that hide our own shame, pain, inadequacies, and fears which also too often means we show up as less than our best selves.
I’m certain that most people want love and connection - they just don’t know how to get the outcome they most desire. We often watch other people fumble around through life and judge them but the truth is - we all do that. We all struggle and seeing someone else’s life in play makes it easy to say what they should do and difficult to apply to ourselves sometimes.
I’ve also realized in my 51 years that not everyone is meant to be on my journey with me. I’ve learned that growth and healing means some people who meant the world to me end up being left behind….we aren’t in the same space anymore. My toxic behaviors and theirs worked well together at one time - but as I’ve healed - they are no longer on the same path as me. I’ve realized that some people won’t change and that’s okay - I can’t demand they grow, or heal, or get to where I’d like them to be or where I believe they could get to.
So many things just simply aren’t mine to take on. They are not my concern, my business, or my burden to bear. I can remove people from my life and still wish the best for them on this journey of life. If we are lucky - we may even reconnect at some point in the future.
I am not the same person I was at those milestones I mentioned earlier - I am not even the same person I was when I turned 50. I continue to grow and learn.
I’ve found that my passion is in helping others - and I’ve found that one can do that in a million little ways. When you listen to people tell their stories, you learn about their hopes, their dreams, their trauma, their greatest wins, their biggest loses, their values. You find that they love deeply, and suffer deeply. When you see the person as human - you see the things that make them tick - you realize we are all the same…imperfect humans, trying our hardest to figure out navigating this world with emotions and situations we were never taught how to deal with.
All in all - this is what hits as the most true - Love yourself, forgive yourself, keep growing, and be kind. Here’s to another birthday and new opportunities to be my best self yet.
What are some truths you’ve learned? What are some beliefs you’ve let go of?
